It still felt odd not to have an offering.After we’d eaten lunch at a Mexican restaurant, we went home and I went to my room to play my guitar.I guess I played a long time. I looked up and Pey was standing beside me. I couldn’t remember what I’d been playing.“Mom wants to know if you are coming out for popcorn and TV,” she said.“Already?”She took my left hand and looked at my fingers. I realized they were numb. They were red and swollen.“You did that before ... J, don’t die.”“Oh, God no!” I said, setting the guitar aside and catching my little sister in my arms. “I’m a whole different person now, Pey. I’ll never do that again. I just had a lot on my mind this morning and I guess I got carried away playing. Don’t ever think that just because I get lost playing the guitar it means I’m going to go away. I’m not, baby sister. I’m not.”I held her and rocked her for a few minutes and then carried her out to the living room. We watched a new video on Netflix and ate popcorn and drank milk. She suspected that she subconsciously knew that the shower would do her more harm than good, that instead of relieving the urge, it would only escalate it. It always did, and she knew that that was what she really wanted. Telling herself that the cold shower would help fight the urge was only lying to herself, deluding herself into believing that she wasn’t a completely depraved young woman. This was what she wanted. She grabbed her razor. There wasn't much to shave. It had only been a few days, certainly less than a week since the last time she had been out so she didn't have more than stubble down there and soon that was gone too, disappearing down the drain.Caressing her now smooth pubes, she checked for any remaining stubble. The Old Woman would not allow anything less than a perfectly bare vulva as she had learned long ago, the hard way, through pain. She allowed her fingers to tease her clit briefly but was careful to not let herself go too far. She couldn't afford to slip over.
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